Sunday, 24 March 2013

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss
would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted crazy then he would tell me
to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who just happens to be a blonde) asked me what the heck was I doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss
might think I was crazy and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked,
"What in the name of the good God are you doing Gotobed?"

I told him I was a light bulb!!

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate
for a couple of days."

I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her,
"And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna LOVE this answer...) 

She said..."I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!!"

Be seeing you!!

Monday, 18 March 2013

American Bald Eagle On American Idol!!

Of course, it used to be that everyone loved watching ‘Nature’ programmes. Yet I have to say I am deeply, deeply concerned about the recent round of ‘Nature’ programmes being transmitted via the Worldwide Web.

Indeed, in the light of Britain’s Got Talent and Susan Boyle’s continuous mental health problems, have any lessons been learned at all?

In their defence, the BBC, NBC & CNN will argue that, every summer, they are deluged with wildlife wanting to be on their programmes.

As a NBC spokesman says, “One year, we had to put up a sign saying: ‘No more buffalo please!!’ There were a lot of disappointed buffalo that year, but it is a measure of how successful our wildlife ‘Reality’ programmes have become and how willing most wildlife are to participate.”

Is this any excuse? Where does entertainment end and wildlife exploitation begin? Indeed as an American Bald Eagle who appeared on the show last year told us:

"You do get to like being in front of the cameras and all the attention from the public it brings. Then one day, the cameras are gone, the designer gifts and Oscar invites dry up and you’re just another no-mark American Bald Eagle.”

"Even my chicks fledged on the actual programme. Just left, they did without a single backward glance, which has to be hard on any father but to go through it ‘live’ on the worldwide web - only added to my distress.”

And did any of the major networks offer any counselling?

“Did they f***!” I was used and then dumped. I didn’t end up in The Priory but I did have to go to a sanctuary for several weeks at my own expense.”

"I feel very bitter about my whole experience and would warn any animal against appearing on a show like ‘Britain’s Got Wildlife’, and I include the meerkats, even though they are absolutely gagging for it!!”

Be seeing you!!


Monday, 4 March 2013


After three weeks in the garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God...

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me.... The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Be seeing you!!