In these troubled times we understand that some of you, and we emphasise only some, Cousin Wilf has no complaints, have expressed anxiety about the performance of the Companies in which we, as experts, invest on your behalf.
This anxiety was exasperated, many of you feel, by Rob Gotobed in a recent interview with The Financial Times, where he compared the current 'Gotobed & Knight' business strategy to his driving a car.
"Being men, we are unwilling to pull over in our cars and ask someone for directions, because this would imply they are somehow more cleverer than us. And obviously they're not, because we're toasty warm in flash cars and they’re mooching around on foot." Many of you feel that this is not the attitude that your directors should be expressing.
First, we would like to point out that we have never been slow to admit our mistakes. Only last week we issued a public apology for the over-enthusiasm of our forefathers at the time of the south sea Bubble in 1720.
We promised to repay every surviving investor the money he had lost - a pledge we are proud to report was fulfilled immediately.
That venture was the first, but to critics we would emphasise by no means the least successful, of our enterprises.
Now about Umbrellas (Sahara) Limited, they folded. As did, through no fault of ours, the Escort Agency and Punk Rock group formed by the monks of Buckfast Abbey.
Also, we have very little to say about our involvement in the Lindsay Lohan School of Culture and the President Bush Course in a Wider Vocabulary.
It would be wrong to dwell only on our failures when we haven’t had a single triumph.
But, other failures have been an expensive, but wholly patriotic attempt to colonise LA, and the unfortunate collapse of State Secrets Limited, which made the mistake of selling its products in department stores across the USA.
All this should, we think, reassure you that we have your interests very much at heart.
For ourselves we are taking a longish vacation in a sheltered spot called Leavenworth Penitentiary in Kansas, but keep buying.
Be seeing you! (Hopefully)
PS: Gotobed & Knight are a lost cause and we're proud of it!!