A guide to the amount of calories burned up during various sexual activities!!
We surveyed over 320,000,000 people from various parts of Ohio and received the following results:
1 hour of intensive foreplay = 1 slice (large) of chocolate cake.
26.5 minutes of non-stop lovemaking = 2 slices of pizza with extra cheese & mushrooms.
58 minutes of kissing partner = 1 cheeseburger with 14.23 French fries.
58 minutes of kissing yourself (known in the business as the 'Gotobed' Technique) = 1 Christmas turkey with all the trimmings!!
MAKING THE FIRST MOVE = CALORIES BURNED
If you are shy = 15 calories
If you are anxious = 45 calories
If you beg = 286 calories
AROUSAL AND STIMULATION = CALORIES BURNED
Blowing in partner's ear = 15
Blowing in your own ear = 2512
REMOVING CLOTHES = CALORIES BURNED
With partner's consent = 12
Without partner's consent = 187
Removing socks by violently shaking feet = 418
DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed)
Partner looks better with clothes on = 10
Partner turns out to be of wrong sex = 333
Leg cramp = 36
Sneezing during intercourse = 17
Sneezing during orgasm = 655
Calling partner by wrong name = 56
The Italian: man on top, woman on the bottom = 26
The British: facing each other, but in different beds = 48
The Polish: woman on top, man in hiding = 15
The American: both on top = 1236
And finally we have the exclusive Rob Gotobed Orgasmic Intensity Scale:
Earth moved = 34
If earth actually moves = 1,246,864
Man's socks flew off = 84
Room turned purple = 96
Man's face turned purple = 666
Be seeing you!!