Wednesday, 29 May 2013

The Rob Gotobed Driving Test

I was always told on my driving test that if an animal steps out in front of my car, I should always run it over, as swerving could potentially be dangerous to other road users.

On my driving test, a cow stepped out in front of my car.

As I went past him, I looked in my rear view mirror. The cow was fine - I had missed him by millimetres.

Now, obviously, I didn't want to fail my test - so I slapped it in reverse and went after him!

I must have been chasing that f*cking cow through that field for twenty minutes before I finally hit him!!

And my driving examiner still failed me!

And now …. An Apoolgee 
In larst weak’s edishn off mee plog, i acx… acks… accidently mis-pwelled the word ‘publically’. It shud, of corse, have redd ‘publickly’. Evryone heer is absolutally devastaited. How cud i mak sutch an obvyus cok-upp?

Orl i can sa is ‘sory’.


Knob Goodinbed!!

Bee singing ewe!


Monday, 20 May 2013

Is there Sex After Death?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact: " Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"

Wait for it.. .

"No......... ..I'm a rabbit in Arizona!!

Be seeing you!!


Monday, 13 May 2013

The Restaurant Sketch!!

A man is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .

Wait for it. .

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She says :

'You just happened to catch my eye!!' 

Be seeing YOU!!


Tuesday, 7 May 2013


Johnny wanted to have sex with Sophia in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, 'I'll give you a £100 if you let me make love to you. But the girl said 'NO'.

Johnny said, 'I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor,
you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.'

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...

So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, 'The bastard used coins!!!'

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it, and running into the risk of getting screwed!

Be seeing you!