Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Spontaneous Combustion: Is it an embarrassing problem?

“Not anymore”, says top British Scientist Prof. Rob Gotobed!

Prof. Gotobed takes up the story…
“Anyone can suffer from spontaneous combustion!! And boy, is it embarrassing!! At a dinner party, at the office, massaging your grandmother – and ‘BAM!!!’ you explode into plumes of towering flames!!”

“So why not try my NEW-and-improved ‘Rob Gotobed asbestos boxer shorts!’

They’re comfortable, they don’t flake (much) and they keep fire down to manageable proportions. They have an inbuilt smoke-activated sprinkler system, snug aluminium coating and an emergency escape hatch!!

“But don’t take my word for it – I have hundreds, (well two actually), satisfied potential victims.”

 “I’ve been wearing Rob Gotobed’s boxer shorts for two terms of presidency – and I haven not exploded once!” (Barack Obama The White House USA)

“I’ve been wearing Rob Gotobed’s boxer shorts for ten years – and I’m thinking of buying a second pair?” (Her Majesty The Queen of Great Britain).

Also, this week sees the long awaited release of ‘The Rob Gotobed Book of Pyramidology’, it is priced $169 or FREE with all good packets of Kellogg’s cornflakes!

In the book Prof. Rob Gotobed answers the question: What is it about the pyramid shape that has life-preserving qualities?

For example: A tomato, placed under a pyramid shape will stay fresh for longer than a tomato kept in a fridge!

“To prove my theory, I, Prof. Rob Gotobed, have spent 3 weeks living under a lead pyramid, and now, amazingly enough, I too look like a tomato!!”

Be seeing you!


Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Britney’s® Crazy Fish Tank Emporiums 2014 are now open!!

Yes, Britney Spears is proud to announce that her new ‘Crazy Fish Tank Emporiums’ are now open for business!!

Yes Britney’s® offers:

*The world’s zaniest Fish Tank experience*
*Kids love it*
*Britney specialises in parties*

No fuss; just Fish Tanks – “Is there anything else? No, just Fish Tanks!!”

“Is that fish in military tanks?” No you Tosser, it’s just fish swimming around in Fish Tanks!!

New for 2014:
Why buy an expensive fish tank, when you can hire one for half the price? Britney’s® hire service is open 24 hours a day, and our fish tanks can be hired for as little as two minutes or as long as two hundred years!

Our tinted black windows are great for ugly fish, and our bullet-proof glass can withstand up to fifty bullets!!

What’s that you say, do we have Nostalgic Fish Tanks? 

Yes, fish tanks that remind you of a gentler age, including Victorian wooden fish tanks a speciality. (Warning: non-transparent!!) 

How do we do it? Britney’s crazy that’s how! 

Would you like a fish tank for a dollar? What about three and half fish tanks for $5? Or, what about eight fish tanks for 5 cents? 

How do we stay in business? 
Don’t you worry about that, Britney will worry about that – coz, that’s her lookout!!

So, why not come around and ask for me, Mental Rob Gotobed! Or for one of my assistants, Mental Lindsay Lohan or Mental Paris Hilton? We’re all mental, and we’re ready to serve you!!

Public Notice: Last week’s ‘Lucky Number’ was Fish Tank Number 78!!

“The world of fish tanks is now a lot safer than it was when I first became President. Advances in fish tank technology by Britney Spears has revolutionised the industry.” Barack Obama The Whitehouse January 2014.

Please note: All Britney’s® staff are guaranteed to be sexually harassed! 

Be seeing you