The townsfolk are gathered. Rob Gotobed emerges from his hole in the ground. Sees his shadow. There will be 12 more months of insane nonsense.
Ah, there's a lovely mist on the ground this morning and the smell of frost in the air. Hooray, winter's here and it’s now safe to remove my bikini!
This New Year's Eve, I had promised NOT to be the guy who lies in the road, crying and wearing a plastic Happy New Year tiara. …Wrong I‘m afraid!
This New Year's Eve, I had promised NOT to be the guy who gets walked home "Weekend at Bernie's" style at 9:15pm. ….Wrong again I‘m afraid!!!
For my New Year’s resolution I had hoped to join an exclusive Wine Club. ….It’s great, they meet every morning at 9.30am in my local park...
But I am now proud to reveal my 2015 New Year Resolutions…
I believe the trick with New Year resolutions is to aim low - thereby avoiding disappointment.
But is it just me or is there something about New Year’s day that makes dreaming of a fresh start just irresistible? - For me it is the traditional going-to-the-gym project.
With my current gym membership, I have worked out that I will get my money’s worth if I go at least twice a day for the next 75 years. - Note to self: Beware Exercise Addiction in 2015.
Therefore in conclusion if I am being utterly realistic, my New Year’s resolutions should be as follows…
1. Give up wanting to see dinosaurs in the wild.
2. Stop trying to invent a flying car - damn you Doc Brown!
3. Forget about ever doing the New York marathon dressed as Sonic The Hedgehog.
4. Stop trying to invent multi-wearable underpants.
5. Put on half a stone in weight.