Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Whether The Weather Will Be Fine?

Is it just me or have we had an awful lot of weather lately?

And the one subject on which the girlfriend and I will never agree is the temperature of our surroundings.

Basically, I feel the cold and she doesn’t!

Now I want to make it clear that I am NOT a wimp, but I go out in hat, scarf and gloves while she’s wearing a cardigan.

And in the car I turn the heater up to 28 degrees ‘to get us warmed up’ while she travels along with her head hanging out of the window.

It’s a constant puzzle to me that humans who all share the same biology, can vary so much in their attitude to the ambient temperature?

My girlfriend’s idea of the perfect holiday is The Ice Hotel in Antarctica where she can sleep on a block of ice - in a sleeping bag, obviously unzipped to get the benefit of the minus 25 degrees chill!

I honestly believe that if we could harness the heat energy her body throws off we would have the answer to global warming.

By the way, her grandfather invented the cold air balloon. ......unfortunately it never really took off!

And finally, today’s secret revelation…

I like to sleep in the nude! - its not a real problem, except when I’m on those long haul flights.

Be seeing you!

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

And now another in our series of speak better German!

I would like two pints of bier, please!
Ich liebe zwei steine dem bier, bitte!

Hey! This bier is warm and cloudy!
Achtung! Das bier varum und bedekt ist!

I've tasted beter urine. Give me my money back!
Ich guten mas gute skol habe. Donnen ze micht mainer geld gebekt!

Take your hands off me! Who won the bloody war anyway!
Lessen mit seiner hunde ich! Voss schmekt das blitzen dammen libfrau!

Doctor I've just been beaten up in the bar!
Herr Doktorr Ich bist der schmaken auf der bierkellar haben!

Oh God, I think my nose is broken!
Mein Gott! Ich panze meinen schnattlich germunchen ist!!

Next week how to tell a Frenchman that he has no sense of humour, and that it is a waste of time telling him a joke.

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Tranquillity In Our Lives!

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more tranquillity in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Uriah Addy proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I had started and hadn't finished; and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Jim Beam, a bottle of Tequila, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a triple pack of Oreos, the remainder of my Prozac prescription, the rest of last night’s apple pie, some Doritos, and a box of Cadburys chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel right now!

Pass this on if you know anyone you think might be in need of inner peace.

Be seeing you!