Wednesday, 1 July 2015

The Trouble With Dieting!

I am going on a diet for the next hour.

Feeling faint. Perhaps I should have consulted my doctor first?

Licking chocolate chips in cookies and sniffing Oreos - I guess this is what they mean by cold turkey?

Perhaps I could change time zones? Consulting map to see how far nearest different time zone is….

Yikes I’ve started hallucinating! Big Bird off Sesame Street has just asked me outside for a fight over a two day old Kentucky Fried Chicken tub!

Administering CPR to myself to recover from hour-long diet! Drinking coffee and sucking on ice cubes made from Bourbon.

Okay, I’m now feeling guilty about coffee and Bourbon ice cubes. Going on twenty minute starvation diet.

I am now satisfied with today’s starvation diet. Going to dinner now at an ‘eat all you can eat’ buffet at The Ritz in London.

Just had a thought… If you watch Jurassic World backwards, it's an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.

UPDATE:

Hi guys, 7 hour sleep diet worked great. Will power held beautifully. Quite proud of myself.

Weight now fluctuating wildly because of twice daily 20 minute starvation diets.

Going on 5 minute shower diet, followed by 30 second tooth brushing diet. They say these really work!?!?

Anyway, I just told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?'

I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything!!'

Be seeing You?
.

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