Wednesday, 26 August 2015

My Driving Test.

I was always told on my driving test that if an animal steps out in front of my car, I should always run it over, as swerving could potentially be dangerous to other road users.

On my driving test, a cow stepped out in front of my car.

As I went past him, I looked in my rear view mirror. The cow was fine - I had missed him by millimetres.

Now, obviously, I didn't want to fail my test - so I slapped it in reverse and went after him!

I must have been chasing that f*cking cow through that field for twenty minutes before I finally hit him!!

And my driving examiner still failed me!

And Now A Big Big Apoolgee 
In larst weak’s edishn off mee plog, i acx… acks… accidently mis-pwelled the word ‘publically’. It shud, of corse, have redd ‘publickly’. Evryone heer is absolutally devastaited. How cud i mak sutch an obvyus cok-upp?

Orl i can sa is ‘sory’.


Knob Goodinbed!!

Bee singing ewe!

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

Are You Capable Of Bestiality?

Important Public Information Service: Rob Gotobed is open-minded about anyone’s sexual proclivities – except for those who are into autoerotic asphyxiation. He believes they need stringing up!

But is there a beast in all men, and if so how many are capable of bestiality?

Rob Gotobed provides a probing 30-second questionnaire.

1. Which of these three cuts of steak do you prefer?
a. Sirloin?
b. Fillet?
c. Rump??

2. If you were asked to draw a picture of a horse, would you draw…
a. A front view of a horse?
b. A side view of a horse?
c. A rear view of a horse??

3. On going to bed at night do you…
a. Lie facing your girlfriend?
b. Lie facing away from your girlfriend?
c. Lie facing a restless night thinking about animals’ buttocks??

4. You are driving through the jungle but find your way blocked by a giraffe, which is bogged down in several inches of mud, although still upright. You have with you a length of rope and a 36-gallon barrel of beer. Do you….
a. Tie one end of the rope round the giraffe’s neck, the other to your bumper bar, and try to pull the giraffe out of the mud?
b. Drink the 36-gallon barrel of beer in the hope that by the time you’ve finished it the giraffe will have managed to free itself?
c. Stand on the barrel and have the giraffe??

And finally this week, it’s time for Rob Gotobed’s, ‘World of the Unexplained?’- ‘Chappaqquidick?’ – Will we ever know the true spelling?

Be seeing you.

PS: This update was sponsored by Rob Gotobed’s Fast Food Outlets – ‘Where two burgers are cheaper than three!’

Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Is there Sex After Death?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact: " Becci ... Becci "

"Is that you, Rob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Rob are you in Heaven?"

Wait for it.. .

"No......... ..I'm a rabbit in Lincolnshire!!

Be seeing you.