Tuesday, 5 January 2016

New Year Resolutions 2016.

The townsfolk are gathered. Rob Gotobed emerges from his hole in the ground. Sees his shadow. There will be 12 more months of insane nonsense.

Ah, there's a lovely mist on the ground this morning and the smell of frost in the air. Hooray, winter's finally here and it’s now safe to remove my bikini.

This New Year's Eve, I had promised NOT to be the guy who lies in the road, crying and wearing a plastic Happy New Year tiara. …Wrong I‘m afraid!

This New Year's Eve, I had promised NOT to be the guy who gets walked home "Weekend at Bernie's" style at 9:15pm. ….Wrong again I‘m afraid!!

But now I am proud to reveal my 2016 New Year Resolutions…

I believe the trick with New Year resolutions is to aim low - thereby avoiding disappointment.

But is it just me or is there something about New Year’s day that makes dreaming of a fresh start just irresistible? - For me it is the traditional going-to-the-gym project.

With my current gym membership, I have worked out that I will get my money’s worth if I go at least twice a day for the next 75 years. - Note to self: Beware Exercise Addiction in 2016.

Therefore in conclusion if I am being utterly realistic, my New Year’s resolutions should be as follows…

1. Give up wanting to see dinosaurs in the wild.

2. Stop trying to invent a flying car - damn you Doc Brown!

3. Forget about ever doing the New York marathon dressed as Sonic The Hedgehog.

4. Stop trying to invent multi-wearable underpants.

5. Put on half a stone in weight.

6. Join an exclusive Wine Club. ….I've got my eye on a great one - they meet every morning at 9.30am in my local park.


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